Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
