Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
