Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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