Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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