what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
