she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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