He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
