i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
