she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
