Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
