Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
