idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
