I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
