Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
