I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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