I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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