im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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