You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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