Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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