what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
