i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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