All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You can't motorboat a personality
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
