Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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