At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Rumble strips road head = magical
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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