shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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