So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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