considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
