oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
