I'm sorry my penis didn't work
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
