Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
