Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
