the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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