quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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