You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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