i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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