did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
