I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
