and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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