You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
