I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize