K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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