I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
