The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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