I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
