Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
