Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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