So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
