is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
