And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
