There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
