Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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