***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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