Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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