Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
