I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
