You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
