Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just invented taco cereal.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
