Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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