if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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