That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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