i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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