Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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