I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
