Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
