She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize