Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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