My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
