He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
