had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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