I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
