So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
