Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
