Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
